Being “Right” vs Being Happy
A while ago, my wife (who’s also a meditation teacher) and I were preparing to teach a weekend course covering the topic of Living Consciously in Relationships.
It was interesting clarifying the points we wanted to cover and highlighted a few simple themes which can have a profound impact. I want to touch on one of them here.
A difficulty that can happen in relationships is when one of the partners takes a position over something. Perhaps you feel the need to prove a point, or you just can’t wait for the “I told you so” moment. Or maybe you keep going on and on trying to get your partner to see things from your point of view.
There comes a point in all of this when it’s beneficial to drop-it. Is it really that important? Just drop your stories, the justifications, drop the need to be “right”.
After all, if you’re right, then the other must be “wrong”. We all know how it feels when we’re on the wrong end of a point being proven, so why inflict that on someone you love?
And without getting into too much stereotyping, generally it’s us guys who are the most pig-headed and stubborn around things like this.
Where Are Your Priorities?
Basically it comes down to your priorities. What do you want from your relationships – to be right, to be the boss, to be in control? Well, good luck to you if that’s the case, as you are doomed to conflict and missing out on the best that two people sharing can bring to you.
I suspect the fact that you are reading this means that you want your partner-relationship to be expansive and loving, and a playground for both of you to support and grow as individuals and as a couple.
If that’s the case, then become aware of those moments when you get on your high-horse with a point to make. Consciously drop that, and do or say something different. Doing that burns up your ego and can plant a new seed in your relationship.
Mistakes Are OK
You will both “get it wrong” at times. That’s just life! Focus on creating an environment where that’s ok, where nothing is taken too seriously, and you can laugh at the absurdities of life. Then your relationship will have a greater chance of happiness. Then you will have the possibility of finding the win-win in those situations where in the past it would have been possible to feel distant and dis-connected.
It took me a while to get this, and I still have to be vigilant on occasions, but with my wife and I playing with this approach it has made a big difference to our relationship.